Wishin'

So there's been alot of talk in the house lately about the big move to a 'farm.' The kids are asking more and more questions, which seems to be helping with understanding and transitioning away from the life we've had here in town for the past 5+ years. Of course, we're not going far out of town so we'll be back quite often, but they seem most concerned with what it means to live on land. The little one is convinced we're going to live in a Big Red Barn and has decided perhaps that won't be so bad as long as the animals don't smell. I've tried explaining to her we will have a house with just a really big yard and the animals will live in the barn, but she's having a hard time picturing it. And yes, we've gone to visit other farms - it will sink in. I just know it.

But for the most part, everyone's excited. The girls tell me constantly they can't wait to be around pigs, and we all agreed it's time for more dogs. Our last trip to the dog park ended in a discussion about what kinds of dog we would like to adopt next and everyone is in agreement that we are a big dog kind of family. Little Buttons will be fine. He loves everyone. Every.One. But he needs a buddy.

The girls are excited about being home-schooled as well. They come home from school every day now and play 'school' in the gameroom for hours; which they've recently requested be turned into a schoolroom, ya know, so they can practice. They take turns being teacher. They have a place for backpacks. They take snack breaks and PE breaks and have dismissal. They have sticky notes all over the doors and walls; each room in the house is designated as something: Science Lab, Computer Room, Music Room...there's even a Spa Room (my favorite! And yes, if you go in the Spa Room you get a foot massage or lotion rubbed on your hands). For now it's a play school but I suppose soon enough it'll be fer reals. They keep asking me: "Are you sure you can handle being our teacher?" HA! I've changed your diapers little critters! I've nursed you I've burped you I've tended to all your booboos I cook for you and clean after you...I can so teach you algebra! (Gulp). At first they were skeptical. At first I was skeptical. Some days I wonder how it will actually go. But for now we are all in agreement that, if nothing else, public school is not for us so these here critters are stuck with their ol mama.

I'm also excited about getting my hands in the soil. I miss gardening terribly. Being in a rent house these past 4 years has created such a disconnect where once there was a deep bond. I brought my rose bushes with me from Houston when we moved I loved them so much. I couldn't part with my hydrangeas and plumbagos. My butterfly bush and my clematis. I can't wait to grow veggies and have fruit trees to pick from. I planted a sweet potato in the spring in one of my pots just so I could watch something grow...it's now taking over a whole section of our tiny little garden. I refuse to dig up the little potato in the soil I love watching the vine so much. I can't wait to have a yard I can dig up and turn into a viney rosey veggie jungle.

I'm of course also excited about pigs but I love the idea of having hens pecking around the yard as well. So many things to be excited about! But one thing I'm not allowing us to do is stop enjoying where we are in the meantime. I still love our neighborhood, our school pals, our Girl Scouts, our quick trips downtown, our favorite restaurants, the roller rink, the dog park, and all the other wonderful things we've discovered living near the city.

So while we are definitely ready to be homeowners again, and definitely ready to shake up our routines a bit, I'm not 'wishing' for it all to happen. In fact I've recently come to think that the old saying "Be careful what you wish for" is wise indeed. So often we think we want/need something and wish and wish and wish for things to change or for this to come true, and then after it does we find it led us to heartache or pain or disaster of some sort. I believe in the ideas presented by "The Secret"...the secret to getting what you want: wishing for something and having that wish come true; the power of positive thinking; seeing it in your life; visualizing it happening - all those things are great and I do believe work. I also believe prayer works. Very specifically sometimes. But, if we work against nature to have our wishes granted we over-ride the normal order of things and something negative occurs as a result. It's like the TV show LOST: wishing to be off the island, finally getting off the island, only to realize they were supposed to be on the island and more harm was being done with them gone. Or, that boy you have a crush on finally asks you out only to break your heart down the road; you win the lottery only to lose your friends; you become famous only to realize you can't trust anyone.
I guess my point is, I think it's great to dream. To hope. To pray. To send out positive vibes. But I think we have to be careful about 'wishing'. And particularly careful about specific wishin'. Did you ever see the movie Breaking the Waves? I'm just sayin. We make our own realities. We sometimes read too much into 'signs'...not realizing they aren't really signs...but rather temptations, or roadblocks. If we can't accept where we are in life and are always wishing for something else, we set ourselves up to, at best, then carry that heartache with us to the new place, or at worst, create greater tragedies. I want to make sure with this move everyone is in agreement and it isn't happening because we're running from something or to something or are unsettled or are unhappy or confused or longing or disconnected or wishing for a different life or for any other emotionally-charged reason. Lord knows I've operated that way enough in the past. It's time to let go of old habits. Time to start working towards actually creating the life we want. Here's to no more wishing on stars! (clink) And here's to lots more family meetings and discussions about what it's going to be like living in a Big Red Barn with pigs! (clink...er, I mean oink...oink! oink!)

wheeeeeeeeee!

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